"Stoooopid anxiety". Do you know it? Not the sweaty-palmed, heart-racing garden variety anxiety, but the take-over-a-tiny-corner-of-your-mind, niggling anxiety that gnaws, insidiously, like a termite in a two-by-four, until you notice that you're anxious about . . . what, exactly? And when you finally figure out what "what" is, you don't roll your eyes, no, you roll out the red carpet and embrace "what" with every remaining brain cell. This is "stoooopid anxiety."
You're driving along, maybe the sun's not shining, but your windshield wipers don't squeak or smear in your line of vision, no one is tailgating and no one is honking-because-they-love-to-scrapbook or hate the way you drive. Life is good. So why do you feel like a homeless beaver has chosen your brain stem for his tree du jour?
Then you realize what, for several miles, has been seeping into your consciousness: orange signs with black arrows and one ominous word (each): DETOUR. Not the ones that signal that you'll soon need to make a change in your planned route. The ones that tell you that you're on somebody else's detour. And thus it begins:
I'm on a detour? How can I be on a detour, I'm good with maps, dammit. When did I get on this detour? Where did it start? Where does it go? What road is out? Is a bridge out somewhere? Is this my detour? Am I supposed to be following it? No, stoopid, it's somebody else's detour! Will there be a sign where they have to turn to stay on their detour? What if the sign falls down? What if some joker changed the direction it points? Somebody else might get lost! What if-oh fergodssake. I just missed my turn.
Crap, there's a NO TURNING sign in that driveway. If I do a U-ie there anyway, what if they're looking out their window? Will they call the cops? What if they have a big dog? What if they have a big shotgun? How fast can I accelerate back onto the detour that's not mine?
What's that sign-YARD SALE TODAY. Is it really today? Or was it yesterday, or a week ago? Maybe next week? How many people have gone looking for that yard sale today but it's not there? Did they wind up on somebody else's detour, too, on their way to the yard sale that might not be there?
Crap. Missed my turn again.
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